Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
