Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
