Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
