I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
