it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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