so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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