Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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