Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
