Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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