Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
