three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
