Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
