summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
