u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
