I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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