Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
