areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
