you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How's work?
Spinning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
