It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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