if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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