in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
