Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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