can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
