Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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