fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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