guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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