when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
