she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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