are you still at the devil's house?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
