i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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