I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
