I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
