what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My vagina is officially offended.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
