I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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