dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
