I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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