True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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