The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
