He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
