my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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