Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
