Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
