i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
