I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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