Buhtt sex?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
