So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
