Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
