I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
