You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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