I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
